Reclaiming My Creativity in Motherhood
I have always been a creative person. As a child I was always making things: beaded jewelry, handmade soaps and candles, fimo figurines, drawings and paintings, sewn clothing for my dolls and even myself. Creativity felt like second nature and it brought me so much joy. It really felt like a part of my identity and somewhere underneath it still does. In fact, people today would probably describe me as a “crafty” person. But truth be told, I don’t create much these days and especially not as much as I would like to. Somewhere along the way – probably when school became about grades and performance – I developed a tight bond with perfectionism (there is SO much research on this now). And it has only strengthened over the years as I went to design school, entered the workforce in a creative field, and spent too much time comparing myself to others on Instagram. Creativity became about performance rather than joy. Output rather than process.
Now, 9 months into motherhood and with more time back to myself, I am craving to create things in a way I haven’t for a while. I feel a hum of inspiration waiting to be unleashed. I want to paint, make jewelry again, try my hand at embroidery, write blog posts like this one. I feel as if I am bursting to create. I’ve started noticing that I’m not the only new mother experiencing this. On Substack, on Instagram and in real life, I’m hearing stories of mothers discovering new and old hobbies. And it kind of makes sense. We’ve literally just created the most incredible masterpiece of our time: our babies. We have been primed for creation and we’re seeking out other mediums now. I recently read the book The Postpartum Depletion Cure and there was a section on the importance of taking part in flow state activities. It’s a way to regulate the nervous system, find peace and reconnect with ourselves (and maybe even others?) So it’s only natural that we continue to create.
That being said, my inner critic is questioning my creative ambitions. “What’s the point?” it asks. The perfectionist in me wants my output to be polished, purposeful and paid. All attributes that I know aren’t the point of creative expression and yet I struggle. And then there are the questions of, “What should I start with? What should I create?” And so when Emma goes down for a nap or my husband takes her for a block of time, I freeze. I sit and spin my wheels and before I know it, my time is up and I’m back on baby duty, feeling frustrated with and disappointed in myself.
I have some unlearning to do around this. Honestly, it’s something I’ve been working on for years but feel like I’m making good progress on. I recently wrote a post about how I’m practicing consistency, which you can read here. I’ve started developing some other practices that are helping me quiet my inner perfectionist, get out of my own way and enjoy the act of creating again:
Starting my day with meditation and visualization: I could devote a whole post to this topic and perhaps I will but to keep it short for now, I have a daily practice of meditation to help train my mind to disengage with negative thoughts aka my inner critic. While this practice isn’t solely for creative work, it certainly is has its place here. I also started adding in visualization methods that help in a similar way.
Timed 15 minute messy actions: These can feel incredibly uncomfortable for perfectionists but they are a great way to free yourself from perfectionist tendencies and allow yourself to just play. I will set a 15 minute timer and draw in my sketchbook or restyle my coffee table, for example. The timer keeps the stakes low and helps with just starting, which is always the hardest part.
Signing up for workshops: I recently took a linocut print making workshop at a local community centre and it was so much fun. Something about committing to a future date builds excitment but also increases the chances that you’ll show up for yourself.
Teaming up with friends for a crafternoon: I’ve done this a couple times with friends and it’s the best way to get out of your head and just create. Socializing while creating is the perfect combo. Chatting with friends keeps the negative self talk at bay.
Spending time with non-digital sources of inspiration: Like many people, I spend too much time scrolling Instagram and Pinterest. While these apps certainly have their place, they are also comparison traps. I’m being intentional about looking for inspiration offline by reading coffee table books, popping into my favourite boutiques, strolling through a garden or park, or visiting an art gallery.
Reading and repeating mantras: I find having a couple “reminders” is helpful to have on hand when I need a little motivation to start. Here are ones I’m currently using:
I only have to start.
I am safe to create. I start small. I grow by doing.
Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.
Reading The Artist’s Way: I’ve been wanting to read this book (which is really a 12 week course) and I think now is a good time for that. Like a workshop, it helps to have some guidance which is what Julia Cameron attemps to do with this book. I read the first couple chapters last year and there’s a lot of focus on quieting your inner critic.
Little by little I’m reconnecting with an important part of myself that I have missed long before I became a mother. I thought motherhood would pull me further away from my creativity, but to my surprise, it’s gently leading me back to it.
“Creativity is an act of faith. We must trust that our creativity will be there for us, and that we will be led to where we need to go.”
- Julia Cameron
